Bones are for the Dog?

So it’s Halloween weekend, which means that the average Facebook news feed is inundated with pictures of pumpkins, parties, and of course, costumes. But alas, once again such fun and games has been accompanied by a plethora of bitchiness – the annual complaint of “girls who dress like sluts just because it’s Halloween”.

Now, my opinions about the phrase “dress like sluts” would really need a blog post of their very own, so I won’t do them a disservice by summarising here. What I will do, is marvel at the female tendency to put other women down. This blog was prompted not by the judging of costumes, but by some of the comments that followed; in particular, reading about how “unattractively skinny” some of the scantily clad partygoers are.

Now the double standard surrounding the topic of weight has bugged me for quite a while – ever since I heard the phrase “real women”, often used to describe women larger than the size 0 we see on the catwalks. The choice of the word “real” has always baffled me. If a woman is smaller than a size 8, is she imaginary? If she is flat chested and narrow hipped, must she be made out of plastic?

It seems to me that the phrase was coined in order to boost the self esteem of those who don’t fit into the tall, skinny, supermodel mould. I’m all for promoting a healthy body image, but why choose a word that has negative implications for those who DO fit the media’s ideal?

Of course, this is a fairly mild example. I have seen words of a much more vindictive nature splashed across the internet. Here are a couple of examples....

FYI, as beautiful as Marilyn was, she was not the norm for her era. Google Grace Kelly, Tippi Hedren and Audrey Hepburn if you don't believe me.I struggle to see how such things could promote a healthy body image; they are clearly defining curvy as good, skinny as bad. Not only that, there is a huge emphasis on looking good for a man, rather than just being happy with ourselves.

I have some major problems with posts such as the ones above. Firstly, would someone who was truly content with their appearance feel the need to post material of such a hostile nature? I’m going to take a guess at..... no. It’s the classic “the bully only punches you in the face because he’s insecure” idea. I suspect that the women who create and repost such images are the ones who are least happy with their bodies – the ones who need to put others down to feel better about themselves.

Secondly, the HUGE double standard. Post a picture with some “witty” remark about bigger girls being better looking than skinny girls, and your comments section will quickly show a selection of female friends applauding your support of the curvy girl. Post a picture with the opposite message, and I doubt the reaction would be quite so encouraging. I suspect you would be attacked for putting down bigger girls, promoting eating disorders, and reinforcing the media’s idea of “perfection”.

But why? Why does society say it’s OK to hate on the skinny girls, but God forbid you pass judgement on someone who is bigger, possibly even overweight?

The growing trend for “fat acceptance” is not just an internet phenomenon. It’s become almost a social taboo to comment on the appearance or diet of someone who is overweight, yet us skinnies have to deal with such remarks on a regular basis. Here’s a few examples of comments I’ve received, and corresponding (yet socially unacceptable) remarks that could be made about the other end of the spectrum....

TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE	HOW DARE YOU
OMG you’re so skinny I can see your bones, that’s disgusting	OMG you’re so fat I can see your rolls, that’s disgusting
OMG you’re only eating a salad for lunch, you need to eat more	OMG you’re eating a cheeseburger and chips for lunch, you need to eat less
OMG you’ve just eaten a whole pizza, how are you so skinny?	OMG you’ve only eaten an apple, how are you so fat?
OMG you’re so skinny it can’t be healthy, eat some cake	OMG you’re so fat you probably have heart disease, eat lettuce

See what I mean?

Commenting on the health of an overweight person is a social no-no, but why should it be? People have been reprimanding smokers for years; I’ve lost count of the number of complete strangers who’ve decided to lecture me on the health risks of smoking – as if I didn’t already know. Yet, whilst the cost to the NHS of obesity related illness rivals that of smoking, it still wouldn’t be acceptable for me to walk into a McDonald’s and tell every overweight person in there that they were eating themselves into a future of high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease. If I did, I’d probably get punched in the face.

The trend for fat acceptance can also be seen on the high street and online clothing stores. Not only do most shops contain a plus size section (and routinely go up to sizes 16/18 in their standard ranges), we have a whole host of specialist plus sizes stores – Evans, Yours, and Simplybe are a few examples, all of which go up to a size 32.

But what is there at the other end of the spectrum? I can tell you from experience – nothing. As someone who wears a size 4, I find it extremely difficult to find clothes that fit – most places don’t go below a size 6 (some not even below an 8), and those that do stock size 4 tend to have a limited selection. More often than not, I end up buying clothes from the children’s section.

So why do we have specialist stores for one extreme, but not the other? I struggle to see how there could be any health considerations – I’m not saying that being superskinny has no health consequences, but I challenge you to find me a doctor who’d say there are no risks associated with being as big as a size 32.

Now I’m not advising that the skinny girls of the world should hit back with their very own anti-curvy Facebook campaign. Nor that we should start calling out all the overweight people in the world on their diets, and tell them to eat lettuce.

What I am saying, is that people should stop and think about what they say to others or post on Facebook. Yes, I’m skinnier than a lot of people. Does that mean I deserve to see posts about how men don’t find women of my size attractive? That my body type is disgusting, and only good enough for the dogs? Is my size an open invitation for people to comment on the way I look, and whatever I do or do not eat? The size 0’s of this world don’t come under the media’s heading of “real women”, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have real feelings.

In conclusion ladies.... be nice to each other. Stop putting each other down, just because you’re not happy with yourselves. And for God’s sake, stop telling yourself that being attractive to men is what’s important. No man worth your time will give a rat’s behind about the size of yours.