Inspired

Well it's been a while since my last post..... the last few weeks have been such a crazy mix of family, work, maths, friends, cigarettes alcohol and broken hearts that I've barely had time to breathe, nevermind write a blog. Everyone who's been there for me, thank you so much.

I don't want to write about me. I am fed up of talking about me. I'm gonna talk instead about the people who inspire me, influence me, and give me hope.

Firstly, my Mum. Here she is....

I don't think she'd thank me for putting this picture up, but it's the only one I have of her on my computer.... 90's fashion ey! For those of you who don't know, my mum died just a few days before my 10th birthday. She was a professional singer; an extremely talented and determined musician. By the age of 15 she'd left home in Darlington to tour Europe with a band, something that I could never have done at that age. She even sang for Jimi Hendrix whilst she was in Germany!

I've got so many good memories from when me and my brother were little. She made the time to do the school run every day, which for over a year was driving from Leeds to Harrogate, whilst hosting her own radio show and playing gigs in the evenings to help put food on the table. She was an amazing mum, and I miss her very much. I love listening to the recordings that her band made, and I wish I could have really got to know her as an adult. I hope that I'll make her proud.

I've uploaded a recording here if you want to hear it. My dad's on the bass :).

Kat Von D

 

Kat Von D is one of those people that is either loved or hated. To me, she's an amazing woman - she's obviously incredibly talented, amazingly driven, and has made her way to the top of a totally male-dominated profession. She's loved and lost, but doesn't let that defeat her. I would love to be as strong as she is.

James Frey

Author of A Million Little Pieces and My Friend Leonard. Ex-drug addict. A Million Little Pieces is probably my favourite book of all time, I love the way he writes, and the way he wasn't afraid to describe how f***ed up he really was. I know there's been controversy about how much of the book has been exaggerated, but I can't say that bothers me. I've spent time with serious drug addicts before, and I've seen how the addiction can completely consume a person. It takes real strength to get clean, and stay clean. I have massive respect for James' determination. Who cares if he embellished some details to his books? If that means that more people read them, that's great... it's a real story of hope.

Walt Disney

The ultimate dreamer. From living on a farm to creating the biggest company in the world... I love the way that Disney is all about losing yourself. The films can make anyone feel like a kid again, Disneyland itself is all about leaving your worries behind and just enjoying yourself. I know that forgetting your troubles is definitely not a good idea in the long run, but I think that there are too many people around who just wont give themselves a break. I love the way that Walt Disney is such an amazing example of dreams coming true. And of course I love the films :) - I perhaps shouldn't rely on children's films for advice, but a quote from The Lion King popped into my head the other day;

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can

 either run from it, or... learn from it"

Good old Rafiki. Amazing advice for where I'm at right now.

That's just a few of the many inspirational people in this world, but also...

Everyone who has been here for me over the past two weeks.

You know who you are. I honestly don't know what I would have done without each one of you. Massive love to you all :)

"A body like Megan Fox, please"

So, this being keen thing is hard! I've been so busy with lectures, maths outside lectures, gyming, and trying to have a social life, I've hardly had the time or energy to write a blog. Yet I've got so much to write about! I wont try to fit it all into one post, mostly because it would take far too much time and I want to watch Jamie's American Food Revolution before I pass out from exhaustion.

The first thing I bought with my student loan was a year-long gym membership at the university gym. And despite spending three years studying the human body, I have no understanding of what sort of gym activities would be the most beneficial, so I decided that it would be well worth spending an extra tenner on a "fitness assessment and personal programme". The results of the assessment were not exactly confidence boosting....

Resting Heart rate: Poor

Grip Strength: Poor

Lung Function

Forced Vital Capacity: Poor

Forced Expiratory Volume: Poor

Forced Expiratory Ratio: Below Average

Peak Flow Rate: Poor

Not included in the results was flexibility.... to test flexibility, Lee the nice gym man asked me to sit on the floor with my legs straight out in front of me, with my feet against a flexibility measuring box. The idea is to stretch your arms out towards your toes, and push a slide rule type device as far as you can along the scale drawn on the top of the box, which overhangs your feet. (I know I've explained that badly, if you're really desperate to know what the test is click here). Simple, you might think?

I couldn't even reach the box. I mean, I know I'm pretty pathetically unbendy, but to be so bad it can't even be measured?! Bit of a kick in the teeth. Especially when Lee says to me "are you SURE you can't reach any further?!". Yes Lee I'm bloody sure, do you really think I would be so embarrassingly bad at something on purpose?!

After making completely sure that I was rubbish at everything fitness related, Lee asked me what I wanted to get out of my personal fitness programme.

"A body like Megan Fox" I replied.

Lee pauses, looks at me like I have some sort of scary mental illness, and replies with:

"I'll see what I can do...."

Thanks Lee.


So today was the first attempt at my personal programme. Lee's given me a circuit of core muscle building exercises, as well as a circuit of resistance and different cardio things to try. Apparently it's gonna get me toned in super-quick time, as long as I go through it 4 times a week. No problem, I thought, as I began at 7:15 this morning.....

I totally underestimated how difficult it would be. I apparently have no muscles anywhere. It's a wonder I can even stand up, I'm so pathetic. I couldn't even finish the recommended number of reps for all the core circuit. And as for the resistance, even though I used the lightest possible weight for everything, my arms still felt like they were about to burn right off. How do I even carry my shopping with these bits of string attached to my shoulders?! Even a T-rex would feel good about his arms next to me; the most pathetically-armed animal of all time would have more than enough reason to mock me. I'm pretty sure that if T-rexes were a) still alive and b) the same size as me they would totally beat me in an arm wrestle. It wouldn't even be a struggle, not one of those "oooo this is a close one, they've been locked in this arm wrestle of epic proportions for days, they haven't even paused to wee" sort of arm wrestle, it would be the sort where the T-rex would slam my arm straight down, mock me with a roar, and try to raise his arms over his head in victory but fail because his arms are so tiny he can't even scratch his chin. But he wouldn't care because he would have beaten someone with a much larger arm to body ratio in an arm wrestle within a matter of seconds.

On a similar note, me and Boy (the boyfriend) went to a museum on Saturday and saw a T-rex skeleton. It was awesome.

Go away, Lemmings!

So, it's the second day of my maths degree, and I've already missed lectures. Apparently, good intentions aren't enough to stop a crippling attack of freshers' flu... I'm starting to feel like I might actually be dying, like the times that I'm hungover and I start to panic that "oh my god maybe it's not just a hangover maybe it's meningitis because my head hurts and my neck hurts and bright lights hurt my eyes, and I've heard stories of students dying from meningitis because they never sought medical attention cos they thought it was a hangover and I'm going to die all because I'm too unorganised to sort out getting my meningitis jab ". But then usually I'll have a bacon sandwich and feel much better, and promise myself that the next day I'll ring up the doctor to book a meningitis vaccination so I don't panic quite so much the next time I'm hungover, but then by the next day I feel fine so thoughts of meningitis jabs don't even cross my mind.

A bit like that, only I don't even have the blurry memories/facebook photos/lingering taste of vodka that are the mark of a good night out. Remember the computer game Lemmings? Those lemmings with the pickaxes, that dug their way through walls? I'm pretty sure I've got a whole army of them camped out in my skull, trying to work their way out through my forehead. Only they're doing it at an extraordinarily slow pace, because that way it'll be even more painful, and will last so much longer! Thanks lemmings!

At the same time this freshers' flu seems to have decided that it wants to make breathing as difficult as possible, by stuffing my nose with as much snot as it can manage, and wrapping itself round my lungs and squeezing them as hard as it possibly can. Whilst this is extremely uncomfortable, its also a good excuse not to do any exercise, as I'm pretty sure I'd die within a few minutes as a result of being put into an acute hypoxic state.

The most insulting part is the coughing. For someone who used to smoke 20 cigarettes a day and now smokes none, it seems somewhat unfair that I'm coughing more than I'm breathing. I think my lungs are trying to make a bid for freedom everytime I open my mouth, despite the fact that if they did manange to escape they'd be inside out and soon die without oxygen. I wish they'd realise that actually they're supposed to be in my thorax, and stop bitching about what a horribly warm and cosy place they live in. And diaphragm, stop trying to help them. Without those lungs you are nothing.

I promise to write something with a more interesting subject matter when I am less of a sniffley, wheezy, headachey, lemsip-craving mess.

HOW many clothes?!

So, I'm packing all my stuff to go back to Uni tomorrow.... this particular packing experience has forced me to come to the realisation that I have a ridiculous amount of clothing. I could clothe a whole village with all of this stuff. Is there really any need for multiples of the same item in different colours? Or three variations on the denim short? Or TWELVE pairs of pyjamas?!
I dread to think the amount of money I have spent on clothes. I think if I knew the actual number I might have a heart attack and die. Perhaps I should start to ration the number of trips to Primark.....

The Bucket List

For those who haven't seen the film (if that's you, you're missing out - Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman make quite the team), the idea is that this is a list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket. No doubt there's still plenty of stuff I'd like to add to this, but here's a start.....

1. Go to Disneyland, at least three more times

2. Visit Hawaii

3. Go to the Natural History Museum, and see the dinosaur skeletons

4. Own a green Lotus Elise

5. Sing in front of people at least one more time

6. Get a first class degree

7. Visit Japan

8. Get tattooed by Kat Von D

9. Walk the whole of the Great Wall of China

10. Get married

11. Learn another language

12. Go to Australia and hold a koala bear

13. Make a scrapbook

14. Learn to play at least one piece by Ludovico Einaudi

15. Change someone's life for the better

16. Read Lord of the Rings all the way through

17. Swim with dolphins

18. Own a pet snake, and call him Napoleon II, in memory of my Dad's childhood pet, Napoleon Tadpoleon Bone-in-parts (may he rest in peace)

19. Solve a Rubix cube

20. Watch the sun rise with someone I love

Be Brave. Live.

The problem with getting your first tattoo is that it leaves you always wanting more. I've got three so far, and am in the process of planning my next..... the simple notion of "be brave. live".

The quote itself comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and in its entirety reads:

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.

Be Brave.

Live.

The first time I heard those words they really struck a chord in me - too often I find myself getting bogged down in life, in worries, in the uncertainty of it all. I find it very hard to let things go, particularly if I don't understand them. And whilst I think it's a bad idea to not think things through, or to ignore anything that's bothering me, I need to learn how to move on. By dwelling on the past I'm hurting myself, and I'm hurting my relationships.

So I need to BE BRAVE. I need to change my way of thinking, and most importantly change the way I let my thoughts control my emotions. I need to stop getting caught up in my own head, and stop letting the world go by. I need to start making the most of what I've got, and be happy for all the amazing things, and most importantly all the AMAZING PEOPLE I have in my life.

BE BRAVE

LIVE

My very first blog....

So, my first ever blog entry. But what to put? I doubt you want to hear about my day, my plans for the rest of the weekend, what I had for breakfast.... those things are far too mundane for a blog, yes? So how about this, let's talk about the future.

Thinking about the future can bring up so many different feelings, emotions.... for some people, it's terrifying. For others, it's exciting. To be completely honest, I'm not too sure what it is for me. I'm having a complete turn around, a u-turn in my life. I've spent the last three years at medical school, working hard and going nowhere. I decided it was time for a change, a fresh start, a new beginning. So I've switched courses, and am about to start all over again, as a fresher on Mathematics BSc. Maths, you say? Why would you give up a career as a doctor to do maths? The simple answer is, because I love love love maths. I love maths because I know what to expect. Things are logical, they have rules and can be proven by those rules. And, as so eloquently put in Mean Girls, it's the same in every country.

I know this is something I can do well in, and I'm excited to start. But if I'm gonna make the most of it, I need to make some big changes to my life... and I'm terrified of where those changes may take me. 

To the future.....