"A body like Megan Fox, please"

So, this being keen thing is hard! I've been so busy with lectures, maths outside lectures, gyming, and trying to have a social life, I've hardly had the time or energy to write a blog. Yet I've got so much to write about! I wont try to fit it all into one post, mostly because it would take far too much time and I want to watch Jamie's American Food Revolution before I pass out from exhaustion.

The first thing I bought with my student loan was a year-long gym membership at the university gym. And despite spending three years studying the human body, I have no understanding of what sort of gym activities would be the most beneficial, so I decided that it would be well worth spending an extra tenner on a "fitness assessment and personal programme". The results of the assessment were not exactly confidence boosting....

Resting Heart rate: Poor

Grip Strength: Poor

Lung Function

Forced Vital Capacity: Poor

Forced Expiratory Volume: Poor

Forced Expiratory Ratio: Below Average

Peak Flow Rate: Poor

Not included in the results was flexibility.... to test flexibility, Lee the nice gym man asked me to sit on the floor with my legs straight out in front of me, with my feet against a flexibility measuring box. The idea is to stretch your arms out towards your toes, and push a slide rule type device as far as you can along the scale drawn on the top of the box, which overhangs your feet. (I know I've explained that badly, if you're really desperate to know what the test is click here). Simple, you might think?

I couldn't even reach the box. I mean, I know I'm pretty pathetically unbendy, but to be so bad it can't even be measured?! Bit of a kick in the teeth. Especially when Lee says to me "are you SURE you can't reach any further?!". Yes Lee I'm bloody sure, do you really think I would be so embarrassingly bad at something on purpose?!

After making completely sure that I was rubbish at everything fitness related, Lee asked me what I wanted to get out of my personal fitness programme.

"A body like Megan Fox" I replied.

Lee pauses, looks at me like I have some sort of scary mental illness, and replies with:

"I'll see what I can do...."

Thanks Lee.


So today was the first attempt at my personal programme. Lee's given me a circuit of core muscle building exercises, as well as a circuit of resistance and different cardio things to try. Apparently it's gonna get me toned in super-quick time, as long as I go through it 4 times a week. No problem, I thought, as I began at 7:15 this morning.....

I totally underestimated how difficult it would be. I apparently have no muscles anywhere. It's a wonder I can even stand up, I'm so pathetic. I couldn't even finish the recommended number of reps for all the core circuit. And as for the resistance, even though I used the lightest possible weight for everything, my arms still felt like they were about to burn right off. How do I even carry my shopping with these bits of string attached to my shoulders?! Even a T-rex would feel good about his arms next to me; the most pathetically-armed animal of all time would have more than enough reason to mock me. I'm pretty sure that if T-rexes were a) still alive and b) the same size as me they would totally beat me in an arm wrestle. It wouldn't even be a struggle, not one of those "oooo this is a close one, they've been locked in this arm wrestle of epic proportions for days, they haven't even paused to wee" sort of arm wrestle, it would be the sort where the T-rex would slam my arm straight down, mock me with a roar, and try to raise his arms over his head in victory but fail because his arms are so tiny he can't even scratch his chin. But he wouldn't care because he would have beaten someone with a much larger arm to body ratio in an arm wrestle within a matter of seconds.

On a similar note, me and Boy (the boyfriend) went to a museum on Saturday and saw a T-rex skeleton. It was awesome.